The Pope Goes For A Drive

After getting all of the Popes luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating thelimo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the fucking Pope as a chauffeur!!"

 .

Accountants and Engineers

Three accountants and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three accountants buy only a single ticket.  "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an engineer.  "Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant.
 
They all board the train. The engineers take their respective seats but all three accountants cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please."  The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
 
So after the conference, the engineers decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and save some money (knowing that accountants are clever with money) . When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.  To their astonishment, the accountants don't buy a ticket at all.  "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant.
 
When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a rest room and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.  The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the accountants leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the engineers are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Catholic Coffee

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a
room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a
room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks
into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four
men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,

slim,

tall,

38D breast,

24" waist and

34" hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
.

Stuart Pearson - Old News But Still Funny!

It was two years ago this month that Graiguenamanagh Sweet Shop Owner Stuart Pearson tried to take over Aer Lingus.  This was after he tried to take over a bankrupt Northern Ireland property developer in October 2008.  In one of the linked stories, he claimed that Wall Street investment firm Drexel Burnham Lambert were involved in the Aer Lingus deal, which was surprising considering they went out of business in 1990.  This picture of him is from an article in the Wicklow People.

Mark Fiore

Check out Mark Fiore's Animated Political Cartoons website. The link is in the left column under Political Comedy. You will need a Flash Player to play them. If your computer does not have one already installed, just go to Adobe's website and download Adobe Flash Player. It's Free! Follow the link http://www.adobe.com/support/flashplayer/downloads.html